Identifying sabogate

A couple of days ago, I noticed something unexpected, news, a possibility, a potential of what I want(ed)... going back to the place I want(ed) to be, working in the place I want(ed) to work, with the people I had work(ed)...
and suddenly my reaction was a thought that I really didn´t want to be there, or work there, because now I was doing something else and I´ve taken a different path.
But then I realised I was making up all those excuses because I had a fear of completness, of a real challenge, that I was actually sabotaging myself with all these excuses. It´s a game I´ve been playing all these years,
I felt a hole in my stomach when I realised this, why am I doing this to myself? I identified it´s fear of completness and fulfillment.
Do I really want to continue to be living like I have been living? NO, I made a conscious decision IT IS ENOUGH.
I´ve been breathing in the fear into myself, and let it go little by little building confidence and trusting myself.
Today I did what I had to do because I AM THAT I AM.